I’m so glad you reached this tiny corner of the internet. Are you ready to read a story of Hope?
It was 2012 and I had just started middle school, but something with my health wasn’t right. After numerous visits to the hospital, I was diagnosed with dystonia parkinsonism. A condition where you have tremors and involuntary muscle activity while doing anything.
Simple everyday actions like drinking water became a hassle. I spilled food on myself, and my walk became erratic. My life felt like a burden. Questions like: “Will I be labeled as disabled?” kept me up at night.
College made things worse. I was unable to walk due to a recent dystonia episode. I battled with anxiety, depression and stress on a daily basis. This led to moments of self-harm and struggling with suicidal tendencies. I wanted to literally stop breathing, stop living. I wished I could just die. In today’s words… ‘unalive’ myself.
Friend, has this been you at some point? Experienced breaking of the soul where life felt like a burden? When giving up on life seems like the only option left. To you, I say – I hear you! I am sorry for the way you feel, and I am willing to listen to your story. Read on to see how I overcame these thoughts.
Plot twist time. I was in my class one day, it was around noon and I heard (yes, heard!) a voice, “Stephen, you will work for these people?” And the voice felt like...
home.
That’s what the voice felt like. Like I was home. Safe. Protected.
I was in tears. After ages I felt like I was accepted and loved. It felt like a rain of peace and Hope had washed over me. But who? Which people? People like me. Those who felt like life had let them down. Who knew only the silence of long nights and uncertain tomorrows. Those who would fight to admit their own hopelessness and loneliness.
That one statement became my anchor of Hope and Purpose. This voice was Jesus for me. Because to say, “You have Hope” may feel like an over-hyped statement. But when God decides to peep in and say “I’ve got you. I’ve got a purpose for the pain.” That! That feels magical and different!
This voice gave me the courage to open up about my struggles and get the right help from counseling sessions. I started to invest my energy in projects that helped me build confidence… like learning an instrument (check the pic!).
Hope may feel like something intangible, but it is still more human and real. I found Hope in the form of a voice that afternoon, and it lit up my world. Maybe your Light is finding a community where you can be honest and transparent about your struggles. Or perhaps a song? The crux is, suicide/self-harm is not your only option. Quoting Morgan H. Nichols,
There is more to your story, than the chapter you are in.
If you do not have anyone around you, we are here for you! Ready to listen. Or you can dive deep into what you feel in this season. Consider these questions: 1. What triggers these thoughts? Identify the root cause of your pain and bring clarity to what feels overwhelming, and allow yourself space to address it. 2. Who can help me out right now? Because healing is not a one-person job. You need a cool community around you. Reach out to someone (friend, family, or a professional).
Friend, help is available. From disabled and depressed, I found strength and boldness. A big reason for how I was able to power through my dystonia episodes was because there was someone who could listen to what I was feeling. The need to share and be heard is real. I urge you to seek a community of two or three people. But for the nights when you have no one to call, LiveJam has a group of dedicated, trained and confidential listeners who are willing to chat and journey with you. Are you ready to be the next story of Hope?
P.S.: If you are someone who knows a friend that battles with suicidal thoughts, here are 4 key steps you can take as a first responder:
- If the friend has confirmed that they are thinking about giving up on their life, immediately inform a close family member.
- Check in on them continually. But make sure you are not the only person who is aware of the situation. Bring in more trusted friends around.
- Listen without judgment and offer a safe space. Do not add a silver lining instead ask open ended questions.
Friend, no matter what your story is, God’s got you too. Will you allow God into the door, even if it is just a crack?
“I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I’ll come right in.” - The Top-G