Despite a ban on porn, India is considered the 3rd-largest porn watcher in the world. Statistics aside, its adverse effects on the mind and interpersonal relationships are often talked about. Here's the story of Reuben Jose, and his journey of overcoming the addiction to porn.
Q. Hi Reuben, to start off, could you tell us a bit about your school days?
When I was in 5th grade, I was termed a hyperactive kid! To be honest, it was difficult for me to stay quiet. It started to affect my grades. This became an issue because eventually I became one of the top guys in the bad books of my teachers. Adding to that, a few teachers made school life tough for me. They would punish and shout at me, often for no particular reason, which made me scared of teachers as well as the subjects.
Q. Ok, and when did you discover your passion for music?
Pretty much around my 11th grade, I got involved with extracurricular activities in school and thrived on my successes and leadership roles. Often I would be placed as second in leadership. I got comfortable settling for less because no one saw me for the capacity I brought to the table because I was the dull one in academics. It was during these days of leadership and extracurricular activities that I realised my interest and talent in music. I learnt the keyboard, guitar, and drums and later went to a college that was like just half a day and the other half of the day was for me to invest into music.
Q. What is the biggest challenge you faced while growing up?
My life took a rather cruel turn when I was around 12 years old. I was introduced to porn through male relatives and from then on, porn became a pattern of escape. When I was lonely, when I was alone, when I hated myself, when I felt useless, when I felt like a failure to my wonderful parents, when I was angry at my teachers, when I was just frustrated – 10 minutes and I was done. Over and over again it became an escape to the mental agony.
Q. It must have been tough. How did you then overcome it and well... walk toward a healthier 'you'?
Porn continued to play its part of slowly stealing, killing, and destroying my creative time and space. 'God is gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love', is a verse that was very true in my life, with my closet struggle with porn and masturbation combined with low self-esteem and a lack of identity, God still used my broken life and untrained skill set of music to be recognised as a singer and a worship leader. I began to get opportunities and stages to sing and organise worship events. Interestingly, these gave me strength to keep moving ahead.
I knew how God was walking with me and for me as I saw his mercies unfold over me every day. How? In the form of His forgiveness that I experienced and the opportunities I received. In all this there was one thing that I was wondering... Why was I doing all this? What is the purpose of my life and why did I have to go through all this?
In 2015, I attended a discipleship training school which is where I truly met my identity face to face. The identity that I am a son of God and that’s it. He loved me no matter what. There was a new purpose and direction for me. I knew that I was here for a purpose. Eventually I joined Noise Headquarters, a top studio in Kerala and competed the course in sound engineering and music production.
Q. Do you think faith in God makes sense in your everyday life?
The only thing that really makes some sense in my life is faith in God. When life was dwindling away in constant cycles of failures and wrong doings, the one thing that gave me purpose and worth was God and his word.
Q. Thanks for sharing your story, Reuben. Lastly, as a sound engineer and music producer, any tips you can give to people who want to take the same path?
Every corporate is a tough place, and so is the music industry. It needs a lot of creative juices to come out rather than a simple corporate repetitive work. It’s a journey, there are a lot of opportunities and I would say if you are choosing this path, get into it completely. Don't let it be your Plan B.